Weight Loss Journey: Week 1

Weight on 1/9/17. Total Net Loss: 2.6 lbs

Hello! This past week I shed 2.6 pounds, as well as some tears. Let me recount for you what exactly went down.

For the first four days, Monday to Thursday, I did pretty good. I had big, healthy breakfasts and smaller lunches and dinners. If I wanted dessert, I had raisins or sugar free cool whip. I rode my bike as much as possible. I didn’t always have whole wheat, whole grain bread and super lean proteins with every meal, but I always made sure to make up for that with exercise. Then, on Friday, I cheated.

We were having a potluck in class. There was a wide variety of food. Potato chips, fresh strawberries, Chik-Fil-A nuggets, lima beans, my signature oatmeal pancakes, Kool-Aid, blueberry pie, and my weakness: Bluebell ice cream. I was planning on having a some nuggets, a few of my pancakes, strawberries, and NO ice cream.

So I ate my food. Alone. Then I walked around the school. Alone. I started to clean up the lunch mess. Alone. I was starting to feel quite lonely as I sat back down in my seat. I glanced at the two gallon tubs of half-melted ice cream. What happens next is best detailed in the text I sent my mother after everything went down.

I cheated on my diet. I had 1.5 cups of ice cream. I got the first because I was feeling a little sad and lonely after spending all of lunch and advisory alone and figured it would be ok if I didn’t have any sweets tomorrow and because I’ve done pretty good all week. On my way back to my table with my second cup, a girl was looking at me judgmentally. I figured it was just her resting face and dismissed it. I passed her and sat down. I glanced at her and she was staring directly at me with the same face. It felt like she really was judging me. I finished half the ice cream before I had to go to the bathroom and sob for a few good minutes. I feel really bad about cheating on my diet when I had been doing fairly good and about assuming that girl was judging me and about feeling bad from the start because I had just finished another chapter of Uninvited about grasping God’s love instead of grabbing for other people’s love. I think I’m being over emotional because I’ll be starting my period soon and I think this has been an attack from the enemy. I do feel better after praying and after typing all this, but still not 100%

To which my mother replied…

I have been emotional too, I am supposed to start this weekend too. I have been dealing with feeling like people are staring at me because of my glasses.
But it doesn’t matter what they think.
And a little icecream isn’t gonna hurt your diet at all. Every day is a new day, start fresh tomorrow.
The girl was probably looking at you because she was trying to get up the nerve to say something,  maybe she needed at friend.
Never assume it’s all about you 😍😗
You are beautiful and loved  and perfect the way you,  if you want to be healthier and you want to lose weight do it for yourself not anyone else (I know it’s hard I struggle with this myself,  that’s how I can speak from experience)
I love you and God made you perfectly 😆
After reading that and saying another prayer, I felt a lot better. I realized that I was being really hard on myself, which just makes things worse. It starts a vicious cycle of feeling bad, so you eat, then you feel bad, so you eat, then you feel bad… yeah. Not productive. That cycle has actually ended a few of my diets in the past, and I’m guessing the same thing has happened to some of you reading this as well.
For the rest of the weekend, I let myself have sweets without completely blowing my diet. I had a serving of TimTams while watching a movie, two small pieces of pie, two s’mores. Enough to not feel left out, but not enough to gain more weight. Enough to feel happy from the sugar without feeling terribly guilty afterwards. If there is one thing that I learned from dieting, it’s that you cannot deny yourself good food. But more on that next week.

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